Improving communication with your teenager: small steps that make a big difference

Talking with teenagers isn’t always straightforward or easy. As they grow more independent, teens may seem distant, moody, or uninterested in talking. But good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. Here are a few simple strategies to help improve communication with your teen:

1. Listen more than you talk
Sometimes teens just want to be heard. Try listening without interrupting, correcting, or immediately offering advice. Even a simple “That sounds really hard” can go a long way.

2. Stay calm, even when they’re not
If your teen gets upset, resist the urge to match their energy. Take a breath. Keeping your tone steady models emotional regulation and shows them it’s safe to talk to you.

3. Make time for casual conversations
The best talks often happen during everyday moments. We have some of our best conversations with our teen when driving in the car, sitting on the beach or cooking dinner. Low-pressure settings can help teens to open up.

4. Ask open-ended questions
Instead of “Did you have a good day?”, try “What was the most interesting thing that happened today?” This invites more than just a “yes” or “no” answer.

5. Respect their privacy (within reason)
Teens need some space. Showing that you trust them helps them trust you back. Try to be clear that you're always available, without prying.

A teen client once told me, “I don’t talk to my dad because he only listens long enough to tell me what I did wrong.” We worked on helping the parent focus first on understanding, rather than reacting. Within a few weeks, their conversations felt less like battles.

If you’re not sure where to start, try this simple practice: At dinner or bedtime, ask your teen, “What’s one thing today that made you laugh, and one thing that bugged you?” Then, just listen . . . that’s it.